You may have noticed how none of my stories are about romance. Given that many of my readers are probably young adults, this may come as a disappointment to some of you. The truth is, romance has never interested me. Not reading about it, not searching for it, and definitely not writing about it. I realise I am probably an anomaly in this day and age.
Andrew Sullivan writes:
I am happily partnered, accidentally stumbling into love at a relatively late age, having actively avoided it for years. But romance was never a feature in my life, at least not in the way it is generally understood. I still distrust it. I run a mile from it. Why trust in something that is so fleeting? It worries me that so much of what I see on television or in books is perpetuating the myth of the One True Love, where the 'falling' is instant, the romance lasts forever, and the story generally stops at the wedding. I am amazed at the number of young women in particular who still fully believe in this myth, and cringe at the thought of the difference between these girlish dreams and the actual reality of being a woman. When reality hits, as it inevitably will, the fall will be painful. Yes, I know I sound like a total cynic who has been unhappy in love, but nothing could be further from the truth. Some might call my life dull, because it lacks the drama of fights and despair and ecstatic highs. But I gladly embrace a life of calm happiness and friendship with someone whom I never sought to 'complete' me. And when I was single, I made sure I did more or less the same thing.
So, if I did write about romance, it would feel disingenuous and fake. Which wouldn't be good writing.
The closest my stories come to romance is in The Forgotten Garden, which involves a child and a garden, but this is more about the desire for companionship than anything else. Love, I believe in. But this is where the English language lets us down. Never has there been such a misused word with so many meanings. We need love in all our relationships - in the broadest and most encompassing definition of the word - if there is ever to be a future for us as human beings.
But I'm living proof that you don't need romance, in the conventional sense, to find quiet happiness with, or without, a partner in this life. Maybe I'll write a story about that one day. But I suspect it won't find many readers.
Andrew Sullivan writes:
'We live in a world, in fact, in which respect and support for eros has acquired the hallmarks of a cult.
[…]
You can read his letters at this link: http://www.brainpickings.org/2014/04/23/love-undetectable-andrew-sullivan-friendship/
2 comments :
At first read this message soundsz slightly down but after a couple of readings I think I understand where you are coming from, Frlom my perspective I see a lot of love in all of your work, not romantic maybe but def. love and compassion -as for saying your life is dull because you dont fight and "make up" I would suggest that kind of love is far too wearying and doesnt last long -who wants to be the main charactors in "whose afraid of Virginia Woolf" anyway!
Yes, I was referring to romantic love primarily. And I don't want to deny that it exists or feels wonderful; I just don't think we should put our faith in it, let alone make it a cultural ideal. Thank you; I'm glad you think my work has love in it - the other sort!
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