The Amazing Ancient Concept of Wu Wei

Perfectionism, which by its very nature includes 'striving', used to be the bane of my life.  I'm not sure why this trait developed in me, but I know that it grew and hardened in me as a result of the school I attended, where expectations of outstanding levels of achievement in every area were the norm.  It coloured every aspect of my life, from the orderly state of my bedroom to my long hours of self-prompted practice on violin and piano until I was note-perfect, not withstanding moments where I would bash the keys in frustration or throw the violin down (on the bed, fortunately).  I was hugely self-critical, much more than I was critical of others, but, as is the case with perfectionists, also hugely dissatisfied with life.  My stories, which to begin with I wrote with great pleasure and abandon from about age seven onwards, became increasingly straight-jacketed by my own expectations of an impeccable finished product.  By the time I was thirteen, I let nobody read my work.  By the time I was fifteen, I had a dozen edits of my latest novel, none completed, each tighter and less able to breathe than the last.  Yes, I ended up with good prose.  I also ended up with dead stories.

I love that I can put all that in the past tense.  It took me a very long time, probably about 20 years, to throw off this perfectionist mantle and stop trying so damned hard.  And lo and behold, I began to write again, I began to paint again, I picked up the harp.  I'm sure I have become much easier to live with, and life has become fulfilling and capacious, and spontaneity has become my life-blood.

 

'Our excessive focus in the modern world on the power of conscious thought and the benefits of willpower and self-control causes us to overlook the pervasive importance of what might be called “body thinking”: tacit, fast, and semiautomatic behavior that flows from the unconscious with little or no conscious interference. The result is that we too often devote ourselves to pushing harder or moving faster in areas of our life where effort and striving are, in fact, profoundly counterproductive.' 

Edward Slingerland, author of 'Trying Not to Try, the Art and Science of Spontaneity'.

Slingerhand describes an ancient Chinese philosophy that encapsulates the art of 'not trying', called 'wu-wei':

'Wu-wei literally translates as “no trying” or “no doing,” but it’s not at all about dull inaction. In fact, it refers to the dynamic, effortless, and unselfconscious state of mind of a person who is optimally active and effective. People in wu-wei feel as if they are doing nothing, while at the same time they might be creating a brilliant work of art, smoothly negotiating a complex social situation, or even bringing the entire world into harmonious order. For a person in wu-wei, proper and effective conduct follows as automatically as the body gives in to the seductive rhythm of a song. This state of harmony is both complex and holistic, involving as it does the integration of the body, the emotions, and the mind. If we have to translate it, wu-wei is probably best rendered as something like “effortless action” or “spontaneous action.” Being in wu-wei is relaxing and enjoyable, but in a deeply rewarding way that distinguishes it from cruder or more mundane pleasures.'

Maria Popova adds: 'Western thought has suffered from centuries of oppressive dualism, treating intuition and the intellect as separate and often conflicting faculties - a toxic myth that limits us as a culture and as individuals.  Fortunately, Slingerland points out, recent decades have brought a more embodied view of cognition acknowledging the inextricable link between thought and feeling and debunking, as Ray Bradbury so eloquently did, the false divide between emotion and rationality.'

I find the following statement by Slingerland a huge relief, since it is something I long suspected myself:

'We have been taught to believe that the best way to achieve our goals is to reason about them carefully and strive consciously to reach them. Unfortunately, in many areas of life this is terrible advice. Many desirable states — happiness, attractiveness, spontaneity — are best pursued indirectly, and conscious thought and effortful striving can actually interfere with their attainment.'

Here is the link in full if you are interested in exploring this further:
http://www.brainpickings.org/2014/04/21/trying-not-to-try-slingerland/

As for me, I am now a largely happy imperfect human being who is learning to embrace my failings and use them to reach other imperfect human beings.  And quite frankly, hanging around perfect human beings is tedious, and produces nothing but feelings of inadequacy and self-denigration.