A culture that celebrates extreme fashion, extreme behaviour, black-and-white viewpoints and strong opinions - preferably controversial ones. A culture that hero-worships people who are impossible to live with but by gum, they make great television, radio, and best-selling biographies, which coincidentally also means they rake in the money. A culture that belittles and disregards those who choose not to share what they think, or - God forbid - admit they don't actually have an opinion, the 'fence-sitters' of politics and current events.
I used to have an opinion about pretty much everything. Admittedly, I found it hard to defend my views verbally, the spoken word not being my forte for communication, but still I practised and honed them well. Of course, this meant I had to do a few 'about-turns' as the sheer weight of facts that contradicted my opinion eventually accumulated to a point where it would have been mulish not to do so. The problem with these U-turns was that, after they occurred numerous times, cracks appeared where doubts crept in. My firm opinions became somewhat less firm, in fact distinctly wobbly, and only gradually have I become more comfortable with their wobbliness being witnessed by other human beings. Hearteningly, I have finally reached the point where I can see how hanging around people with incessantly strong opinions is generally exhausting, annoying, and a bit of a turn-off, no matter how well-informed they happen to be. I no longer see it as a sign of intelligence. Quite the opposite; to me it is more often a sign of unbending narrow mindedness.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that having a view about anything at all is to be avoided. Far from it. I enjoy having opinions that I no longer take very seriously; it makes arguing about them a lot of fun. It also makes it easy to drop them and laugh when they clearly no longer work. But the middle way is a place where most of 'what we don't yet know' resides. A place where everyone's view is equally valid and worthwhile considering, even if it doesn't 'fit' with your own. A place where it's fine to say 'I don't know', or 'I haven't decided yet'. My father taught me much about this place. He is possibly the least opinionated person I know, and I find myself much more willing to consider that I might be wrong when I am around him. And strangely, this doesn't make me feel wobbly at all; it makes me feel wiser.
The 'middle way' is also about feelings. I still struggle with this. Walking a steady path of equilibrium between highs and lows is something I achieve only sometimes. But perhaps the point is not to avoid these extremes, but - as with opinions - not take them so seriously, know that they are not the 'truth', and will pass by just as the weather passes by. This calm acceptance is the fastest route I know of back to the middle way.
Some of us are in love with our highs and lows, our entrenched views, our loud declarations. Somehow it makes us feel more substantial, more real, more alive. I would say 'experiment' with this. Experiment with feeling the subtle feelings of diminishment, invisibility, insignificance, which will come when you step back from your intractable position. Not only will these uncomfortable feelings pass, but I have discovered a more secure, firmer foundation lies underneath. One that is not based on ever-changing thoughts and feelings. One where you can laugh a lot more often.
I am a passionate person, but I'm relieved to find that walking the middle way does not lessen my passion for anything. It just lessens my dogmatism.
So anyway, this is just my opinion. What's yours?
P.S. I would
add that for anyone who habitually avoids saying what they think, for fear of
censure or lack of self-awareness, please disregard this post. It does not apply to you.
'Confusion is the beginning of understanding, the first stage of letting go of the neuronal gossip that used to keep you chained to very specific ideas about who you are and what you're capable of. Confusion, in other words, is the first step on the path to real well-being.'
Related posts: Beyond Lip Service, Beyond Judgement
With grateful thanks to Eva Puig (top photo) http://fantasticfoto.shutterchance.com/archive/
and Sarah Turner (bottom photo) for allowing me to adapt and use their photos for my blogpost.
and Sarah Turner (bottom photo) for allowing me to adapt and use their photos for my blogpost.
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