Before I go any further, I must first mention the excellent book 'Daring Greatly; How the Courage to be Vulnerable' by Dr Brene Brown, who says much more than I am about to, and much more eloquently.
I have always been a naturally very open person. I have never seen the point of hiding my weaknesses, my fears, my struggles - such as with depression - from any other human being. We are all in this together, and often derive great comfort from knowing that we are not the only one going through stuff, as well as finding a helping hand or a listening ear that brings some measure of healing.
By the same token, I am not someone who 'lets it all hang out', American style. For instance, while I'm not ashamed of struggling with an illness like depression, neither do I see it as a badge of honour, a kind of 'You think you're messed up? You should hear how messed up I am', as if there is some merit being higher up the ladder of dysfunction than everyone else.
But I do strongly believe in sharing deeply personal experiences with other human beings, allowing myself to be totally vulnerable, with all the inherent risks this entails. It can be a very intimate place indeed, and one of the risks is that it will be too scary for the other person and they will shut you out, leaving you feeling rejected and isolated and misunderstood. Or worse, a freak. While I've become much better in judging who I can trust with my inner self, I still don't always get it right. And when I get it wrong, it hurts like hell. But that won't stop me from being vulnerable with others, because I know first-hand that the rewards far outweigh the risks.
When the other person is able to hear and receive you, and accept you in all your frail humanity, the rewards are profound. You feel deeply connected to each other, deeply supported and affirmed in all your goodness and badness and everything inbetween. You find new inner strength to face the world just as it is, and be with yourself, just as you are. There is no loneliness or aloneness in this place. For want of a better word, there is just love.
I am so fortunate to have a few of these people in my life. But I wouldn't have found them had I not dared to be vulnerable, over and over again.
4 comments :
There is great strength in being vulnerable. It can be a shock if one is rejected because of showing one's vulnerability. However more and more I am able to say that it does not matter what anyone else thinks of me, it matters only what I think of myself. I have begun to see that I am what I am and my light can shine through along with my imperfections.
Oh Julie! more wisdom straight from the heart, and so beautifully put. I love your posts, they are so enriching...
Thank you, Marie! And for making the effort to comment. Appreciated!
I have heard many say the same thing as they have grown older. I am not quite there myself, yet, but every passing year seems to bring me closer. And I agree wholeheartedly that it matters most only what we think of ourselves. Thank you, Charlie!
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