Self-regard, self-worth, self-respect

I love this metaphor from Irvin Yalom's book, 'Love's Executioner':

'Her [thermostat] was malfunctioning: it was located too close to the surface of her body. It did not keep her self-esteem stable but instead fluctuated wildly according to external events. Something good happened, and she felt great; one criticism from someone, and she was down for days. It was like trying to keep your house heated with a furnace thermostat placed too close to the window.'

My thermostat has certainly been far too near the open window for far too much of my life. I think it is much better placed these days, although I can't say for certain it's as far from the window as I'd like it to be. I remember many years ago learning about the 'external locus of control' which is essentially describing the same thing, and having an 'aha' moment. But understanding doesn't always bring freedom from something, certainly not immediately. What understanding can bring is a more accepting attitude towards yourself, with all your faults and shortcomings, even if you can't seem to help thinking the same way for the next twenty years. I think that's why, although I have a great deal of time for Eckart Tolle and similar teachings about 'living in the moment' and not needing to analyse where every inner obstacle had its beginnings in order for yourself to be free, I also see (and have received) great help from psychological counselling over the years. Such counselling can give you the 'tools' you need to start moving that thermostat to a more appropriate, helpful position - deep inside yourself. Which in turn, can lead you to live less inside your own mind, and more from deep within your whole being.